in a food professor squeeze some lem lem juicers, cutteroni some dilly leafers and chunk in your craym chaizies. press the button for the spinner go.
Monday, June 1, 2015
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
this week on Otter Royals...
as you gaze out your window with the thoughts of your fantasy swirling around in your head you remind yourself that this is your mind and the fantasy can go to a very dark place. Maybe what you saw is a gang of men who are familiar to you in real life but in your dreamy state they start doing terrible things to you with the man from the sea, as you grope blindly in the darkness, and the floor turns into the kind of fine muddy sediment you might find at the bottom of a pond, and your face is half choking in the softness, and everyone is laughing at your panicked naked body. Or maybe that thing you saw outside the window was a cool jaguar or even just your common north american bobcat, and you go and get a really good look and it licks your hand and it feels just like the sand papery tongue that belonged to your childhood cat, and it's a special interaction since they're such secretive creatures, and then you and the man from the ocean makeout like crazy in front of the fire for a while reveling in each other and the beautiful piece of life you saw outside your island paradise. It's important to remember that you have choices.
as you gaze out your window with the thoughts of your fantasy swirling around in your head you remind yourself that this is your mind and the fantasy can go to a very dark place. Maybe what you saw is a gang of men who are familiar to you in real life but in your dreamy state they start doing terrible things to you with the man from the sea, as you grope blindly in the darkness, and the floor turns into the kind of fine muddy sediment you might find at the bottom of a pond, and your face is half choking in the softness, and everyone is laughing at your panicked naked body. Or maybe that thing you saw outside the window was a cool jaguar or even just your common north american bobcat, and you go and get a really good look and it licks your hand and it feels just like the sand papery tongue that belonged to your childhood cat, and it's a special interaction since they're such secretive creatures, and then you and the man from the ocean makeout like crazy in front of the fire for a while reveling in each other and the beautiful piece of life you saw outside your island paradise. It's important to remember that you have choices.
Monday, May 18, 2015
bikini body brownies
shooger! buttah! eggos! chocol'a! walnutters! they are having a sexy love affair! bake. put on your bikini and chow downtown!
update! tread lightly because these little fuckers are so fucking good and you will be mad as a wind fucker when you forget to take one to your fucking job-life-fuckity fuuuuuuuuccccckKKckkckckkck. also time is this bad bitches friend, the longer they exist the better they taste, true story swear to god
shooger! buttah! eggos! chocol'a! walnutters! they are having a sexy love affair! bake. put on your bikini and chow downtown!
update! tread lightly because these little fuckers are so fucking good and you will be mad as a wind fucker when you forget to take one to your fucking job-life-fuckity fuuuuuuuuccccckKKckkckckkck. also time is this bad bitches friend, the longer they exist the better they taste, true story swear to god
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Otter Royals continued...
just as you are starting to get cozy by the fire with your new boyfriend, thunder rumbles in the distance. he guides you inland to a really great cabin. It has everything! a fireplace, a faux fur animal rug in front of the fireplace, a skylight above the rug, and speakers in every room that you can control with just one device! But at this moment, the rain comes pouring out of the sky and pounds on the roof depriving you of nuanced auditory sensations. you look into your new boyfriends' eyes in that sleepy sexy way, but wait! something just darted past the window! what the fuck is that! goddammit, I mean where even are you? are you all alone? is this man a real man? are you a real woman? find out next time! on Otter Royals....
just as you are starting to get cozy by the fire with your new boyfriend, thunder rumbles in the distance. he guides you inland to a really great cabin. It has everything! a fireplace, a faux fur animal rug in front of the fireplace, a skylight above the rug, and speakers in every room that you can control with just one device! But at this moment, the rain comes pouring out of the sky and pounds on the roof depriving you of nuanced auditory sensations. you look into your new boyfriends' eyes in that sleepy sexy way, but wait! something just darted past the window! what the fuck is that! goddammit, I mean where even are you? are you all alone? is this man a real man? are you a real woman? find out next time! on Otter Royals....
Saturday, May 16, 2015
D EC ON STR U CTE D BLTasty
when you want to bring your bltasty to work but you don't want it to go soggers like wussy pudders, it's DECONSTRUXTION TIMEz, areyouready? plan ahead! toast your bread and wrap it in foil! put mayo in a travel rammekiiiiinn. pre slice toms toms! pre cook your bacon! I cooked a whole package of bacon yuUUUUUmmm!! place accordingly in the appropriate travel container. when you get hungo in the tumbo-assemmmmbbbooooWWwllll!!!
when you want to bring your bltasty to work but you don't want it to go soggers like wussy pudders, it's DECONSTRUXTION TIMEz, areyouready? plan ahead! toast your bread and wrap it in foil! put mayo in a travel rammekiiiiinn. pre slice toms toms! pre cook your bacon! I cooked a whole package of bacon yuUUUUUmmm!! place accordingly in the appropriate travel container. when you get hungo in the tumbo-assemmmmbbbooooWWwllll!!!
Friday, May 15, 2015
after school snack-a-doo for queens, princessas, and otter royals
slice avocado, brie, and salami. put them on a plate with cherries. look longingly out of your window. remember all of the lovers. idealize your dream hunk. now you're walking in a field. there are daisies everywhere. palm trees sway on the horizon. oh hello, you're riding on a horse! on the beach! the man emerges from the water! he has built a fire! he has a bento box filled with charcuterie, soft cheeses, and fruit! uh oh you're dead. i mean you're not dead you just have to go to work now. buh byyyyYYyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
slice avocado, brie, and salami. put them on a plate with cherries. look longingly out of your window. remember all of the lovers. idealize your dream hunk. now you're walking in a field. there are daisies everywhere. palm trees sway on the horizon. oh hello, you're riding on a horse! on the beach! the man emerges from the water! he has built a fire! he has a bento box filled with charcuterie, soft cheeses, and fruit! uh oh you're dead. i mean you're not dead you just have to go to work now. buh byyyyYYyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Friday, May 8, 2015
The "some things fishy whole baked fish"
at the fine grocers have your man cut a fishy butterfly boners in. at the homeystead heat oven baker to read 4-0-0 dungarees. pour some O'live oilZ in a pan and rub a dub your fishy in the oilZ. chippity choppity gahlic y oreganinos and tuck those bitties all up inside the lovely little fishy. slice some lem and put those sunshine circles in the fishy. throw a few tom toms in the pan with your fishy for a toasty roasty treat. he'll cookers bout 15 minnies. just like the mc'chizzay: sweat sweat some chopped onions and gahlic with a hunker butters y O'live oilZ, low heat. rins-a-roni some kale-kale and hook them up with they sweaty unions. they will make love, shield the eyes of your child. when the kale will turn bright bright green, and it is doneskies! arrange fish to your desired look.
at the fine grocers have your man cut a fishy butterfly boners in. at the homeystead heat oven baker to read 4-0-0 dungarees. pour some O'live oilZ in a pan and rub a dub your fishy in the oilZ. chippity choppity gahlic y oreganinos and tuck those bitties all up inside the lovely little fishy. slice some lem and put those sunshine circles in the fishy. throw a few tom toms in the pan with your fishy for a toasty roasty treat. he'll cookers bout 15 minnies. just like the mc'chizzay: sweat sweat some chopped onions and gahlic with a hunker butters y O'live oilZ, low heat. rins-a-roni some kale-kale and hook them up with they sweaty unions. they will make love, shield the eyes of your child. when the kale will turn bright bright green, and it is doneskies! arrange fish to your desired look.
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